Honeyed Deceit Wheel of Destiny — Morimens

In the hidden corners of Londinium's back alleys, there lives a story everyone has heard, passed from mouth to mouth. It will never surface beneath the trembling feather fans and lace fans of ladies at afternoon tea, nor will it be casually mentioned by gentlemen dabbing their mouths with silk handkerchiefs after dinner. Only witches who chant the most obscure and ancient incantations, or rangers who undertake the strangest and most winding of missions, might have the faintest chance of learning this secret. Hmm? You ask why, then, everyone should know it? Ah, but that is the very key to the whole story! Every soul who has taken part, who has spread the tale further, is so very great, so very kind. Not a single grain of selfish desire lies in Their hearts, and if any could be found, surely it would only be the wish that every person struggling to survive in this world might truly be delivered from their suffering and return to the snow-white land of the immaculate and pure. Everything in this world sprang from one red, fragrant apple, an apple so tempting that anyone who laid eyes upon it would long to sink their teeth in. Its juices are so plentiful that a single bite can satisfy every restless hunger. Its scent is so rich that a single breath of it can drive away every unspoken sorrow. Wearing the guise of an ordinary apple, it hides itself among all the other apples, keeping record of every good and every evil, every cause and every consequence. Every myth and legend that ever mentioned an apple is but a page from the chronicle of its former glories. Most importantly of all, because it is so selfless and so equal in its love, joining the faith that reveres it requires no baptism at all. Only remember one of the tenets of the Church of the Apple: a true god does not concern itself with mere formality! The first time you hear the name of the Church of the Apple, the first time a plump, ruby-red, mouthwatering apple takes shape within your mind, you need only believe in it, and you are already a member. It bears no quarrel with any other faith. A true god welcomes every child willing to embrace it. So long as you keep some small corner in your heart set aside for the Church of the Apple, then after you have returned to eternal peace—if the doctrines you followed before should fail to take effect, and you find yourself unable to enter those blessed lands promised in their teachings—the Apple Heaven will take you in without the slightest hesitation, and the Pale Fairy, who has kept it company for time out of mind, will guide you into that eternal, sweet abode filled with the fragrance of apples. "Now, all this glad tidings is being spread free of charge. For but a single Leonian Florin, you may secure yourself a wholly unbinding backup plan, along with one apple that may well be the very apple worshipped by the Church of the Apple. *Every apple in this world may be that apple, and since the Pale Fairy is presently acting in its stead, the likelihood is somewhat higher. In short, please, eat more apples." ... "Good heavens, we only cut back Caraboo's allowance for one little week, and only because she'd been carrying her wheedling and fibbing a bit too far!" "And this is what that little head of hers has cooked up next?!"